Dancing Between Being and Doing
Permission to Be and Motivation to Do
Recently I caught myself praising a friend for all that she does. And—I know that this is not a bad thing, because she contributes so much to the community around her, but I stopped and paused because what I want my friend to hear from me is that I appreciate who she is. In a world that focuses on appearance and accomplishments, how do we shift our focus to elevating the inner life—one that is made up of character and worth and values and faith?
And how do we cultivate self-awareness of our emotions and motivations in our inner life? Often this involves pressing pause from our auto-pilot and really getting reflective.
Many people are constantly doing and wearing busyness as a badge highlighting not just their productivity but a deeper sense of worth. And here there is the invitation to trust that worth is not determined by accolades, but runs so much deeper. This person may benefit from welcoming slowing and permission to simply be. This may involve examining your why and your motivation for doing—doing because of desire, calling, and values is very different than doing to prove and appear how we believe we should. This is more about image than authenticity and whole-heartedness.
Slowing down also allows us to be rejuvenated, so that we press more whole-heartedly into our doing rather than running on complete fumes. This involves embracing permission to slow down, to rest, to be still, and to be “unproductive.”
For some of us moving towards more doing and freedom from over-thinking, perfectionistic planning, and paralyzed overwhelm is an invitation worth its weight in gold. For this person—trusting that they can take a step without a full map can be so freeing and move them towards more balance. This involves resting in not having to be perfect and elevating “good enough” to be able to take small steps forward. This also may look like trusting the unfolding process instead of clinging to absolute certainty before we can take a step forward. In this way, being still is not so rejuvenating, it’s more paralyzing and working to move from that to a place of movement can be really life-giving.
Both being and doing are good and purposeful; like so many things, it’s learning to dance between being and doing that may feel best. This looks like recognizing where we have limits, where we need to welcome rest and refueling—even when all is not checked off and completed around us. This also looks like being motivated when we need to be, prioritizing what’s most important, and taking steps in that direction. More than anything, this looks like resting secure in worth and permission to simply be, yet accessing motivation to take purposeful steps forward.
For Reflection
How does this resonate with you? What is your relationship with doing? Is doing hard for you—the ovewhelm so intense that it’s hard to take steps forward? Or are you typically in motion and could benefit from some permission to pause? Or can you relate to both dynamics and invitations?
For anyone leaning into permission to slow down, pause, and reflect, remember that this can feel incredibly uncomfortable and vulnerable at first. Seek to sit with the discomfort. Sometimes we feel more when we pause. Remember that you are a human being created with emotions. Simply notice and name what you feel as you slow down.
Consider the source of your worth. Productivity and accomplishments feel great, but your identity is so much deeper than this. What does it mean for you to believe this? What does it mean for other people in your life? If you are parenting, how can you encourage your kids to do their best, but that their worth is different than their accomplishments?
Take the challenge of looking at a weekend and being intentional about taking some time to both “do” as well as to simply “be.” Notice what this feels like for you.
Recent Event!!
Recently I gathered with a group of girls and parents to focus together on the topic of friendship. This workshop included lots of conversation as well as hands on application of principles that support healthy friendships and relationship dynamics. Many thanks to this local group for inviting me to meet with them!
In this episode, Elizabeth emphasizes that we are in lifelong relationships with ourselves and how often we do not treat ourselves with the tenderness, care, and encouragement that we would treat a good friend. Elizabeth guides listeners towards asking yourself what you need as well as talking to yourself with more encouragement and kindness.
Elizabeth shares about the goodness of boundaries--emphasizing that boundaries are healthy, not mean, and lead to more whole-hearted yeses, which then impacts there being less resentment in relationships and in general. Elizabeth encourages the naming of values and the consideration of priorities for the season that you are in. By examining these two things, it can become more clear what your yeses are and where you need to say no.
Elizabeth encourages listeners to really consider their own patterns as well as the patterns in their relationships. This takes reflection and some degree of self-awareness. When you are honest with yourself about naming the patterns, you are more in a position to possibly grow through them and to help create healthier dynamics with yourself and in your relationships.
Each Narrating Hope episode is short and able to be accessed and listened to while going about daily life—one walk, folding one load of laundry, etc. Follow along on Apple or Spotify. Please share with others and consider leaving a review!!
Episode #1: Held & Free
Episode #2: Delight in Small Things
Episode #3: Name your Values
Episode #4: Friendship that Refreshes
Episode #5: Friendship in Life Transitions
Episode #6: What am I Carrying?
Episode #7: Let’s Talk about Needs
Episode #8: What Makes Me Feel Like a Person?
Episode #9: Self-Compassion
Episode #10: Rhythms of Work, Rest, and Play
Episode #11: Holidays: Grief and Meaning Making
Episode #12: Gratitude and Narrative
Episode #13: Feeling Overwhelmed Before Christmas
Episode 14: A Seat at the Table
Episode 15: Letting Go of Perfectionism
Episode 16: Boundaries and Core Beliefs
Episode 17: Scarcity Mindset, Longings, & Gratitude
Episode 18: The Counseling Relationship
Episode 19: Am I Overfunctioning?
Episode 20: Claiming Margin
Episode 21: Externalizing Anxiety’s Voice
Episode 22: Assertive Communication
Episode 23: Consider the Season
Episode 24: Sustainable Caregiving
Episode 25: Take Some Time
Episode 26: All or Nothing Thinking Thinking? Challenging the Narrative
Episode 27: What are Your Limits? Naming Limits Quiets the Inner Critic and Supports More Sustainability
Episode 28: Challenging Avoidance Strategies: Changing the Power of Anxiety in Your Life
Episode 29: Let’s Talk About Body Image
Counseling--In person and online for individual adults living in Tennessee, Mississippi, and Georgia. Focus areas include anxiety and stress, grief, life transitions, relationships, and self-worth, yet work extends into depression and other areas. Counseling work is more comprehensive in terms of holding space for exploration of the past, present functioning, and future goals. More information on counseling can be found here.
Coaching--In person and online sessions are available without geographic restrictions. Coaching works extends to couples looking to strengthen connection and attachment, communication, etc. I also work with individuals on personal goals including learning to care for self while caring for others, career transitions, parenting support, learning to set boundaries, etc. Coaching work is more focused on present and future goals. More information can be found here.
Workshops & Speaking--Individual and community opportunities for growth, reflection, and conversation related to various mental health and wellness themes. More information about workshops can be found here. I also am available for speaking to groups about mental health and wellness themes.
Writing & Podcast--I love to share mental health and wellness themes through writing and the Narrating Hope podcast. Join me in these conversations by reading and listening and consider sharing with a friend. The podcast is available on Apple and Spotify.
Supervision—I am offering supervision for counselors working towards licensure in the state of Tennessee. I am grateful for the opportunity to help counselors grow.
Loved this Elizabeth!