Safety & Connection
Both in Relationship with Others and with Ourselves
As I go about my day to day work, I am consistently working with relationships in mind. So much of this work is filtered through listening for and supporting two relationship dynamics—the human need for safety and for connection—and these dynamics not only apply to our relationships with others, but also to our relationships with ourselves.
The concept of safety typically evokes consideration of physical safety, and this is foundational to feeling safe. Safety, though, transcends the physical realm and moves into less tangible waters. Safety in this emotional realm may be hard to pinpoint and more difficult to measure, yet it’s a profound dynamic, affecting so much of how it feels to show up as a person in the world and to be in relationship with others.
Safety with Others
Safety with others is about acceptance, trust, respect, voice, and love. It applies to all kinds of relationships—marriage, dating, parenting, friendship, sibling, etc.
Who do I feel accepted by? Who genuinely likes me for who I am? Who can I trust? Who respects me when I voice something? Who wants good things for me? Who cares about my well-being?
Or is this other person mean, unkind, critical, or abusive of me? Is this person dismissing my voice as unnecessary or not worth hearing? Is this person calling me names? Criticizing my body? My intellect? My emotions? My personality? Is this person controlling me? Is this person isolating me from other relationships?
Keep in mind that sometimes we do not feel safe in present relationships, and it’s less about the person we are in relationship with in the here and now, but moreso about how old hurts and wounds keep rearing up, causing us to be on high alert and defensive, instead of relaxed and enjoying the relationship. If you recognize this at play, consider working through and processing the past, so that the past is not overshadowing your present life. Be reflective and seek to connect the dots asking yourself: Is what I am feeling less about this present person and more about how I felt in the past? In what ways am I projecting the past onto my present life?
Safety with Ourselves
Safety with ourselves relates to themes of acceptance and worth, self-compassion and kindness. Do you reject yourself as unworthy and falling short? Or do you see yourself as person of worth and value even in your imperfections? Are you your harshest critic, literally berating yourself, or is your internal narrative more kind and encouraging?
Feeling safe may not be a box you check as always being true. It may be that there’s a range that fluctuates as there are times you feel safe and times you do not. When you recognize patterns and triggers and bring these into your awareness, you are positioned to move towards more safety and growth both in relationship with others and with yourself.
Consider reflecting on what might help the relationships you are in feel more safe, particularly considering your closest relationships. Then, as you are ready, you can work to voice that and seek to move towards more safety. This is more likely to be impactful if the person you are in relationship with is willing to have this conversation, to hear you, and to seek to care for and meet your needs.
Connection with Others
Connection with others is about enjoyment. It is built and strengthened through spending time together—sharing meals, hobbies, laughter, thoughts, and questions. Connection happens through conversations, interactions, and activities as threads of memories are layered one at a time. Connection happens through both the mundane and the highlights, through both laughter and tears. Connection is about being authentic and sharing life with others.
Who do I connect well with? Who do I enjoy being around? Who do I have things in common with or simply enjoy their presence even if they are very different from me? Who am I my real self with? What makes me feel connected and close? How does quality time affect feeling connected for you? What makes you feel closest and connected to those you live with? What about to those you care about, but who live far away from you?
Connection with Self
Connection with self applies to feeling connected and whole in your body as well as in your overall being. This looks like being securely grounded in some basic truths–you are a person of worth and value, you are likeable and worthy of love, and you can even enjoy being by yourself sometimes. Connection with self is often strengthened through solitude, but also through connection with others. Often when we feel connected to others, we are able to feel more connected to ourselves even when we are alone.
I am so looking forward to this upcoming opportunity for mothers and daughters. This is taking place locally and will include an opportunity for connection and desserts and then time to focus together on healthy relationship principles. We will be highlighting dating, but there are implications for relationships as a whole! Register here.
Since the last newsletter, I have more podcast episodes to share with you! Follow along on Apple or Spotify. Consider sharing with others and leaving a review!
This is Mushroom Rock which I share about in this podcast episode. I recommend this as a hike on Signal Mountain located just outside of Chattanooga and also as a visual for really considering what extra weight you are carrying. Listen in and reflect on what you might be able to let go of. Be sure to share with someone who might be encouraged by this.
I am looking forward to this upcoming in person opportunity to share about wholehearted living. If you are local, I hope to see you there!
I am now offering supervision for counselors working towards licensure in the state of Tennessee! I am so excited about the chance to help counselors grow and am excited to offer this upcoming group supervision opportunity.
Consider if you might be comfortable sharing a google review! Google reviews are not confidential, so please make sure you are comfortable with your name being on the internet. Google reviews can be about any aspect of my work—workshops, speaking, podcast, writing, etc. I welcome reviews as this helps people connect with me. Search Burton Counseling, PLLC to leave a review.
Counseling--In person and online for individual adults living in Tennessee, Mississippi, and Georgia. Focus areas include anxiety and stress, grief, life transitions, relationships, and self-worth, yet work extends into depression and other areas. Counseling work is more comprehensive in terms of holding space for exploration of the past, present functioning, and future goals. More information on counseling can be found here.
Coaching--In person and online sessions are available without geographic restrictions. Coaching works extends to couples looking to strengthen connection and attachment, communication, etc. I also work with individuals on personal goals including learning to care for self while caring for others, career transitions, parenting support, learning to set boundaries, etc. Coaching work is more focused on present and future goals. More information can be found here.
Course & Workshops & Speaking--Individual and community opportunities for growth, reflection, and conversation related to various mental health and wellness themes. The self-paced, online course on anxiety and stress is described here, and more information about workshops can be found here. I also am available for speaking to groups about mental health and wellness themes.
Writing & Podcast--I love to share mental health and wellness themes through writing and the Narrating Hope podcast. Join me in these conversations by reading and listening and consider sharing with a friend. The podcast is available on Apple and Spotify.